I have been spending an inordinate amount of time in-game focusing my attention on PvP of late. Both my rogue & my death knight have seen extensive action within the battlegrounds working on their respective PvP sets as well as working on the odd achievements here and there.

Playing on the Whirlwind battlegroup, it can lead to moments of pure exasperation. There’s a certain time frame on any given day where the Horde walks in and can stomp anyone in our path. Sadly, this is only a very small window within said day. The rest is given to a mix of good & bad luck, timing, and pants-on-head retardedness that drives me into an expletive-laced epileptic fit not seen since that one time my zipper caught a particular piece of skin that had me crying like a 4-year old in KMart.

But I digress.

Queueing up for a battleground is akin to signing up for a Molten Core raid with 39 people you don’t know, most of whom can’t even spell “MC” if you spotted them a letter or two. It’s a PUG in its most vile form that can cause a grown man to want to headbutt kittens. And there’s no good reason for it. BGs are not difficult. Hell, they’ve been in the game longer than I have. If raiding guilds can figure out how to get first kills in the latest and greatest raids Blizz puts out within a week, I can’t help but wonder how people haven’t universally adapted strategies that work for the BGs and stuck to them.

Today, we’ll cover a few of the more common egregious errors commonly seen in the BGs in an attempt to cure stupidity. If this helps only one person…well, I won’t feel too good. Because there’s still 38 others in my Alterac Valley skirmish that need a good smack upside the back of the head with a trout.

Fight on the flag.
Few things get me riled up more in places like Arathi Basin than seeing people fighting randomly on the roads leading up to a key node. You know that hill that leads up to the Lumber Mill? Yeah, don’t fight there. It’s like wiping your ass before you take a dump. It makes no bloody sense unless you’re farming HKs (in which case, I’d like to stab you in the retina with a spork). Instead, a better tactic is to form up with a group of other offensively-minded folks from your faction and charge in. Fighting on the flag will give your team the possible chance of ninjaing the flag while others are duking it out. And if you’re able to get the flag, you’ve just taken away a respawn point for the other team.

Defense is boring, but it wins games.
My fellow members of the Horde, how many times have you done this? The gates open in Alterac Valley. You and 39 people you’ve never met before go charging out, genocide of a certain Dwarven clan on your minds. You notice everyone heading to Balinda, but you detour off to the right, Stonehearth Bunker clearly in your sights. You wipe out the archers and cap SHB.

And then you leave.

If this is you, please, do the rest of us a favor and type “/afk”.

If you’ve captured a node, for the love of all that’s right & pure in the world, stay there until it caps. Yes, as I said, defense is boring, but it wins games. If you leave and there’s absolutely no one there to defend it, all it takes is for some level 71 schmuck to go sauntering in and recap it, thus nullifying your efforts. Your best bet is to team up with another person and sit tight during the 3 minute timer until you see that particular bunker/tower go kaboom. After that, you may leave at your leisure and join the rest of the folks as they go tear things up.

Protect that flag carrier.
Regularly in Warsong Gulch, someone wants to be a hero. They avoid the maddening asshats fighting in the middle (STOP THAT!) and fly into the other side’s fortress in the hopes of grabbing the flag and running as fast as they can to their own base. The problem with this? All too often there’s nary another soul within range to provide help. Flag carriers should be, and often are, the number one priority for death. As such, they need protection. I don’t care what class you are, there’s simply very little chance of surviving a 10 on 1 ass-whooping. Healers, keep HoTs on the flag carrier even if they’re at 100% health. Everyone else should focus their efforts on peeling people away from that flag carrier. Toss out traps. Use some Crippling Poision. Death Grip to your heart’s content. Whatever it takes, get some space between the opposing team and the flag carrier.

Zerg the zerg.
A common tactic within Arathi Basin & Eye of the Storm, zerging means a large group of people rush to a key node held by the opposing faction as a means to take control. If your side’s on the receiving end of the zerg, the best tactic is to find the node that’s under-protected by the other side. For example, if you’re holding the Mage Tower in EotS and 10 people come rushing in, there’s a better than average chance something like Blood Elf Tower only has one person sitting on defense. Take 3 or 4 people and rush it. Yes, you’ll likely lose your initial holdings. But you’ll replace the resources gained by grabbing their other tower.

So there you have it. Four simple strategies that can be adapted to your battleground du jour. Use them. Know them. Love them. And help make your realm’s BGers a happier group of people.